The Origin Story of I AM NOT
which is out TODAY!
Today is the day! I Am Not is out in the world and available to read. It’s terrifying that people I know in real life are going to read the words I’ve written and the characters I’ve poured so much love and attention into.
In honor of that scary fact, I thought it would be fun to share about how it came to be.
Keep in mind that this story is not the norm. I will likely never get this kind of writing experience ever again. But I’m grateful that it happened this one time.
I Am Not’s Backstory
The year is 2021. I’m fresh off writing my second novel, a companion to my first finished novel that just happened to be ready to query when Covid-19 hit. I had a lot of positive feedback from agents and editors, but at this point, it was clear the market was in disarray and nothing was going to come of it. My second novel had been critiqued, but facing the fact that I had to shelve the first after unsuccessfully querying, I couldn’t bring myself to work on revisions. And it was pointless to start working on a third companion novel when the first two weren’t going anywhere.
I needed something new. Something different.
I wish I could remember where the spark of the idea came from, but it hit hard and fast. I started drafting without an outline and emailed my spouse each chapter as they were written; the whole purpose being that I wanted his live reactions to specific moments. I needed to know if what I was going for was coming across at the right time.1
Part of my inspiration, I’m sure, stemmed from residual grief. My mom died in late 2018 and the loss still stung two years later. In 2021 I no longer had parents and had experienced a complete upheaval of life as I knew it through a pandemic. Not to mention, I’m someone who processes grief thoroughly, over a long period of time.
Wren, my main character, is a salty girl going through some stuff. That’s all I’m going to say, but her character and her experience were part of processing my own life. I threw as much emotion into this story as I could.
And I think it paid off. My critique group loved it, with varying degrees of suggestions on what they would change. Ultimately, I changed very little, sticking to the plot and themes that I felt strongly about.
Multiple people2 have said it’s their favorite book of mine.
How did it get to this place, now?
I Am Not did go through several rounds of querying. Thoroughly. I believed in this story so hard.
Once I decided to self-publish,3 I knew this had to be my debut. It was ready and waiting. It’s not part of a series.4 And I adore it.
I hope you do, too.
Reminder! If you buy/bought a copy of I Am Not (which you can do by clicking that link) or request/requested your library buy a copy, I’d love to send you a bookmark. Just fill out this quick form and I’ll send you a bookmark in the mail.
[For all the info you need to request your library purchase a copy, I have a handy dandy doc ready to go here.]
And if you’re the type of person who likes a good playlist, here is the official playlist for I Am Not, which you can directly access via Apple Music:
Therefore I Am (Billie Eilish)
Lost Without You (Freya Ridings)
Breathing Underwater (Mike Mains & The Branches)
All I Want (Kodaline)
Head Above Water (Avril Lavigne)
The Optimist (Evie Irie)
Yours (Ella Henderson)
Leave the Night On (Sam Hunt)
Lose You (Noah Gundersen)
Wild Life (OneRepublic)
All of Me (John Legend)
Waves (Sheppard)
Breathe (Taylor Swift ft. Colbie Caillat)
Standing With You (Guy Sebastian)
Wave of You (Surfaces)
May your next project flow like delicious, melted butter.
Love, Heidi
This might make more sense once you read the book. Not going to spoil anything here!
Yes, they’re friends or family, but they wouldn’t lie to me about this.
A newsletter for another day.
Yet. I have plans for a companion novel.